Five ways for men to support menopausal women in the workplace

What a minefield – as if it’s not tricky enough already tiptoeing through new language and policy, here comes another challenge. The menopause – for a male line manager, this could feel like a labyrinth to negotiate in order to avoid upsetting a colleague at best and facing a legal claim at absolute worst.

Based on our long experience of workplace menopause training, and responding to the increasing male audience who genuinely want to learn how to support colleagues (as well as partners, mothers, sisters), here are some straightforward suggestions on how to get it less wrong!

Firstly, let’s have a quick look at what the menopause is

From around the mid-forties (though it may be much earlier in some medical cases such as hysterectomies or cancer treatments), a women’s body prepares to stop being fertile. In other words, periods become erratic (and often unspeakably heavy), hormone levels fluctuate madly and she enters the next stage of her life.

"Oh thank heaven. It’s the menopause. I thought I was going mad"

For men, this can evoke feelings of bewilderment, helplessness and confusion. Female colleagues may burst into tears seemingly for no reason, be full of rage, suddenly gain weight, be exhausted beyond reason and generally become unrecognisable. In many cases, they have no idea what is happening themselves. In almost every single course I have run, at least one attendee has said ‘oh thank heaven. It’s the menopause. I thought I was going mad.’

Remember puberty? When your body changed and grew and your mind was ungovernable and usually fixated on sex, your voice was all over the place and your hormones raged out of control? Menopause is a bit like that but there are no metaphorical headphones and bedrooms to blot out the world until the storm passes.

Physically, perimenopause (the bit before periods actually stop and the time in which many women are unaware that their transition to menopause has begun) is pretty brutal. Insomnia, hot flushes, rages, unspeakable periods, mental instability anxiety, forgetfulness, depression and seemingly unrelated physical issues like intense itching or restless legs can arrive all at once (in 25% of women, they are severe to the pointy of incapacity. For 50% they are manageable once recognised and in a lucky 25% of cases, do not appear).

You can imagine that most symptoms make work very challenging; physical and mental changes plus extreme exhaustion and brain fog are not conducive to staying on top of the professional game. A ridiculous number of women simply quit work. And with that demographic – experienced, senior and with years of knowledge – it makes no sense in this recruitment climate to alienate such a valuable cohort.

So how do you support those colleagues?

1. Bringing it up may feel terrifying, especially if you are worried about upsetting your colleagues or saying the wrong thing. So ask. “Are you ok? Tell me what I and the team can do to support you.” Help may range from lowering the office temperature to taking detailed meeting notes for a colleague with bad brain fog.
2. In meetings, this might look like calling a break if you observe a bad hot flush or rising emotion and anger, ensuring there’s cold water or scheduling them later in the day for those with trouble sleeping so they have time to get in.
3. Make sure there are facilities where your female colleagues can deal privately with flooding (intensely heavy periods that can soak through clothes), wash, organise sanitary protection and rest quietly. Do think about the dignity and safety of older female colleagues who need that facility.
4. Time alone is important to women managing their menopause symptoms. Quiet places in the workplace where they can fulfil tasks uninterrupted and have the space and time to concentrate can make a huge difference to those dealing with brain fog and anxiety.
5. The pandemic has exposed the woeful statistic that the majority of working women are also still carrying the lion’s share of domestic chores and childcare. When you add in the sudden intense drop in the hormone responsible for nurturing, this can cause equally sudden resentment and rage. So ensure you are taking at least an equal share of the shopping, meals, washing, cleaning, childcare and anything else that needs to be done. At the same time, encourage your partner to do things that are for her alone. The loss of identity as a fertile women, whether she has had children or not, can be a time of great sadness. It is also a time when creativity increases, so make time for her to explore pursuits and interests she may not have prioritised for many decades.

Above all, remember this is a natural stage that every single woman will pass through. Help normalise it by breaking down taboos on discussing symptoms and potential solutions with sensitivity, patience and humour. And if they fail, chocolate and an evening to herself to spend as she wishes without any domestic demands whatsoever, can be a good start.

Get involved! 

Let us know if your organisation is supportive of menopausal employees – we’d love to hear some success stories too.

Menopause in the workplace training for your teams 

These thoroughly-researched programmes give your organisation the tools and legal framework to formulate your own policy and help facilitate open conversations around menopause in the workplace. 

• In-house Training Courses l Menopause in the Workplace l bfi.co.uk
• In-house Training Course | Men and the Menopause at work